Does your friend group ever feel like a challenging trek along the side of a mountain? A mountain that suddenly decides to wake up and smack you in the face with a boulder?

Yeah, I get that.

Friend groups can be tricky to navigate, and sometimes it’s tough if you feel like you aren’t the “leader” of the group — the person who calls the shots, who everyone looks to for weekend plans, who is always the unspoken center of attention. Every friend group has one of those, even if you might not realize it right away. And it can really suck if it feels like you aren’t that person, if you’re more of a Bilbo instead of a Thorin.

But, I’m here to tell you that being Bilbo — socially, not literally, because I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to go on an endless quest for the Ring in a land without showers or WiFi — isn’t that bad; it’s actually pretty great if you’re more of an introvert. And honestly, being the center of a group can get pretty draining and put a lot of unnecessary pressure on you.

So, let’s talk about how to be the Bilbo of your friend group, and how to love it.

1. It may seem like your friends are only nice to you because they know you keep a good pantry, but when it comes down to it, you’re who they can turn to as a source of comfort.

Speaking as the main baker of my friend group, I used to worry that some of my friends would only hit me up when they were feeling the brownie vibe or when they needed to crank out 70 Madeleines for their family gathering (yup, that happened once). But, food isn’t just a currency, and more than once, my friends would seek out not only my oven but me when they were having a rough time — or when they just needed something different from the usual. And soon, they would be elbow-deep in cookie dough and smiling so hard I forgot what their frowns looked like. Good food — especially when it’s pie — is like an invitation and a warm blanket; it’s hard to turn down either of those things, and it’s a constant approbation of friendship and trust. And don’t worry, I promise that humans tend to be better than dwarves and probably won’t ransack your kitchen. (Probably.)

2. Don’t feel bad for not talking all the time.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m under constant pressure to talk and make jokes, I get overwhelmed and tired real fast. And if you pay close attention, more often than not, the “leader” of your little group is the person who’s the loudest. But when Thorin lost his marbles and went gold crazy, who did the group turn to? Bilbo. Just because you might not be that loud doesn’t mean no one’s listening. A quiet presence can be very steadying and reassuring, not to mention reliable.

3. Your group’s gonna hold you back when you need restraint and boost you up when you want to fly.

You’ve got that endearing little-fluffy-person thing working for ya, and if your friends are anything like the dwarves, they’ve got your back. Anything for their beloved hobbit with the awesome house and wicked pantry.

4. Not being the loudest voice means that you’re going to figure out how to stick up for yourself.

This might sound ridiculous or insensitive, but it’s true. When you have to work to make yourself heard through your words instead of your volume, you learn how to get people’s attention and how you want people to treat you. You will learn how to command attention in a moment instead of constantly fighting to keep it — something that I’ve found to be useful in my college courses, among other scenarios. You become more of a steadying presence rather than a constant one (being constant like that just sounds exhausting), and this will make your interactions with your friends all the more meaningful.

5. You learn how to get out of your comfort zone.

When Bilbo said “Good morning!” to Gandalf, he didn’t know that in a few months he’d be fighting off spiders and ogres and hunting down a shiny piece of gold. In fact, the very idea probably seemed abhorrent to him. But he decided to take a risk, and he found himself on the adventure of a lifetime. Sometimes, a change is exactly what you need, as scary as change can seem. Shaking things up means that they land in different places, and you learn how to look at them differently and how to look at yourself differently. It’s good to be out of control — to learn how to be out of control — because you will never be able to control everything in your life, and you have to decide if something is actually a hurricane or a slight breeze. Recognizing when you’re not in control has its own power, too. You know yourself better that way.

6. Whether by accident or on purpose, you’ve ended up with friends who would take on Smaug with you.

Don’t look at me; I don’t know how you did it. But somehow, through your accidental charm and ceaseless obsession with good food, you’ve ended up with a pretty good group of pals. Friendship might not come quickly (an example), but when it does, it will come fiercely and fondly, and it’ll stick around.

Trust me, my fellow hobbit, and fret not. Just because you aren’t Thorin doesn’t mean you can’t be a bit of a hero.