Dear High School Me,
Wow, you are one busy girl! School, sports, forensics, music, work, boyfriend, family, friends…they are all taking your time. And, you want to give it all, but sometimes you think, “What the heck am I doing? Where is my life going?” Okay, I think you used another word, but you know what I mean.
Everyone keeps saying you have only two moods: happy or mad. I’m pretty sure you know which one is more pleasant to be around. Yes, you do know. I’m here to tell you that you really need to work on toning down the “mad” part and working on the “happy” part. The more you are mad, the more the negativity weighs you down, and the more it drains you of the other happy that is still inside you.
You might need to put something on hold. It’s okay. You can come back to it. Later in life there are rec sports teams for adults to join! Its a great way to meet people and de-stress. There are choirs to join and bands to play in as adults. You just have to look a bit. There are public speaking venues in which you can participate (ever heard of Toastmasters?).
That boyfriend you have right now? Ummm, he’s not the one. And, you need to live your own life for a whole lot longer to figure out what you want and what you value before you commit to someone else. Let the boys mature a bit (a lot). And your friends? You’ll meet more friends. But, the only way you can meet people you want to be friends with — and who will want to be friends with you — is to be more happy. Mad just doesn’t cut it for making and keeping friends.
You have so much going for you. Don’t let the life train derail because of the crazy girl mood swings from stress and overbooking yourself to meet others’ expectations. Now, take a deep breath. Deeper. Deeper. Whoa, don’t hyperventilate! Not quite so deep.
Ever hear of “fake it until you make it?” Of course you have since you are me. Some of the best advice I ever got. You know what you are going to do? Fake it! Paste on a smile and make that smile reach your eyes. Make eye contact with others — even the others you can’t stand.
Once you start making a habit of smiling again, and not being seen as sullen and mad, you’ll see what a difference it makes in the way people around you act. Your family will not walk on eggshells around you. Your boss will not be tempted to fire you since your attitude has improved drastically. Your friends will actually like to be around you again. Your boyfriend is still not the one, and you should move on. But, you can dump him with a smile on your face and be kind.
Now, I know you are thinking that I’m asking a lot from you, but look at yourself closely. You are spread thin, and you are starting to sink into negativity. The other advice that I got was from a life-long politician, and I think it is really applicable to life: “If you are in a hole, stop digging!” Yep. Pretty simple.
So, what are you going to do? Stay status quo and lose the happiness? Or, make some changes? Change is hard, whether it is good or bad. So, make the change worth it! Stop digging yourself down the mad hole. Start faking that smile and making eye contact until you make it your own all the time!
High school was good. Real life is even better. You will do everything you hoped to do and more. And, you know what? You stopped digging your hole, and you owned that smile. Sweet.
Love,
Your grown-up self
p.s. That boyfriend? Still not the one. Please move on.
Dawn R. Manthei is a seasoned professional with over 20 years of experience in the agriculture and food industries, as well as technical and business management and facilitating. She has developed numerous products and concepts that have been commercialized and launched by both top tier and local food companies. Dawn’s career path has taken her from the beet and onion fields to the laboratory and production floor, to managing application and research and development, to business unit management. In her free time, Dawn enjoys running, biking, waterskiing (not in the winter), cooking, reading and playing the flute, piccolo and piano. She has a passion for being the number one cheerleader at family events–hockey for husband Vern and son Erich, dance and swimming for daughter Lara, and gymnastics competitions for Erich.