i. If it’s 2 A.M. and you’re trying to study for that algebra test you have tomorrow, but there is a lump in your throat from the tears you’re trying to stop, give yourself a break. Your mental health was, is, and will always be more important than a few extra marks on a test. You can’t be studying with trembling hands and a disturbed mind. Put your pen down. Treat yourself with Baskin-Robbins and go get a good night’s sleep. Ten years from now you won’t remember what you scored in that algebra test, but you will remember that you took care of yourself. And nothing — nothing — is ever more important than that. These years will pass, and one day you’ll realize that you are more than just failed tests and the nights spent cramming for retests. Your grades don’t define you, and neither does your GPA. Always remember that.
ii. On the nights when you can hear your blade reaching out to you, screaming your name, when you crave the touch of sharp metal on your skin but you are trying hard to fight the urge, remind yourself that you are better than that. Put your hand on your chest and feel your heartbeat. You are alive and well — cherish it. Your body is your temple, not your canvas. Treasure your body. Decorate it by putting on your favorite red dress with those kick ass stilettos, not by painting on it. These loathsome feelings won’t last, but the scars will. One day you will wake up perfectly happy and ready to seize the day. You will experience life in a way that no one has. You will learn to appreciate all the small things in life, and you will find beauty in the littlest of things. You will go to bed awaiting another beautiful day. I will not tell you that life will be perfect, but what I will tell you is that it will be worth living. Just hang in there a little longer, darling.
iii. You don’t realize you’re losing parts of yourself until you’ve completely vanished. Staring at your own reflection is like staring at someone you’ve never met before. The hardest part about depression is becoming the person you were before it hit you. You don’t remember who you were, what you liked, or what you hated; you don’t remember what ignited the fire in you. All you know is that the fight is over, and to be victorious you must find yourself again. You need to create your own personality one more time: this time, a stronger, more confident, less vulnerable one. One that will not be beaten down. One that will rise to its own power and give you what you deserve. One that is a compensation for all the time your depressed self wasted lying in bed. After your depression, you are the first page of your journal. Make the main character the person that your depressed self always wanted to be. You are an empty canvas. Paint yourself in the clothes you were once not confident enough to wear. Recovery is a second chance to be the person you’ve only dreamt of being. Make the most out of it.
Disha Ahluwalia is a high school student who enjoys wearing black, good puns, art, and literature. Her heart has a wild case of wanderlust, and she wants to travel all seven continents and take pictures of the sunrise. When she’s not busy procrastinating over cat videos or overrated TV shows, she can be found in the nook of her room spilling out ink. She writes to make sense out of things. More of her work can be found here: concealednotes.tumblr.com.