The following was written for Germ's May Writing Challenge.
So, I’m going to do this. Just write and write and write. I don’t even really need to think about it. I love to write, and this is everything I need to make sure that I can write and be whole with the thing I love. Adventure is something I’ve always wanted to seek. I feel like it’s always calling out to me in my mind. It says “Come, let the rest behind, no need to remember school or obligations. Just follow me.” This is what I need for myself all the time. I need someone to say “Just let go.” I get so uptight, and I’m afraid to let anyone see beneath my brave face. But I want to be out in the world and just be free.The world constricts me to the confines of my city. There’s no adventure here, just books to take me away. I’ve always wanted a map for my room, so I can look at the world and say ‘I’ve been here and here and here…” But there are so many more places I want to go to compared to the list of where I’ve actually been to. The world keeps me away from the road less travelled, because I know school and my life matters more. I care too much. I see my faults, at least I think, and try to fix them. This crumbles apart almost immediately after it has started. I know I have a test tomorrow and want to read my book, but i just need to rant and let my feelings out onto this computer screen, if that makes sense. I hope that I can heal soon, and search the world for love and adventure and beauty that I can’t find in Connecticut. The world is all too restraining, 24/7. Why is it this way, all the time? I hate it so so SO much. I wish I could say to the world “This is how I feel about everything.” I want to be honest to every person out there and let them know the truth. I want to say “ I’m not who you think I am.” I feel like I put on a mask every day, and nothing good comes out of it. People see my puppet, and they don’t bother to get to know the puppeteer. I feel like I’m just rambling, my thought process just going into the software as I type so furiously the words aren’t even words, just blobs of text. Then, I’ll edit and it will make sense. I hope… The problem with wanting to see the world is there’s never time. Or money or anything. I hate the future because I know I’ll have to work, and my job may not be what I want it to be. I want to be an author, how cliche of a nerd. But, if that doesn’t work out, I’d love to go into publishing. The world these days seems to think that this isn’t possible, though. When facing my inevitable future of high school in less than 6 months, what chance do I have of living the simple life I live now? I know work will be hard. I know I may die doing every single test. But I just wish someone would be here to take my hand and say “Let’s run away. They’ll never find us. Come with me, and every dream you’ve ever had will come true.” It kinda sounds like a stupid romance story, something I’ve probably thought of before. It sounds like more of a too happy and sappy story though. I feel as if this last year has been me morphing, and its been an adventure within itself. But I wish I knew who I was, who I will become, what awaits me. I want to prepare, not sit around waiting for someone to tell me my next move. I want someone to help, but what can they tell me? Not to be stressed? Not to want to leave my mark on the world, which I think about all too often? Should I just let go, let the river of life drag me along? ?All very valid questions, and I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer. I’ll just keep jabbing my fingers at the keyboard, hoping for some explanation for what lies off the beaten path.
1st draft, 15-minute twaddle
Topic: Adventure
So, I’m going to do this. Juat write and write and write. I don’t even really need to think about t. I log to write, and this is everything In need to make sure that I can write and be whole wight the thing i love. adventure is something I’ve always wanted to seek. I feel like it’ always caliing out to me in my mine. it says “come, let the rest behind, no need to remember school or obligations. just follow me.” This is what I need for myself all the time. I need someone to sy “just let go.” I get so uptight, and Im afraid to let anyone see beneath my brave face. Bt i want to be out in ythw world and just be free.The world constricts me to the confines of my cty. Therre’s no adventure here, just books to take me away. Ive always wanted a map for my rppm, sp i can look at the world and say ‘I’ve been here and here and here…” but there are so many more places I want to go compared to where I’ve been to. The world keeps me away from the road less travelled, because i know school matters. i care too much i see my faults, at least i think, and try to fix them. this crumbles apart almost immediately after it strted. i know i have a test tomorrow and want to read my book, but i just need to rant and let my feelings out onto this computer screen. I hoe that I can heal soon, and search the world for love and adnevture and beauty that i can’t find in connecticut. The world is all too restraining, 24/7. Why is it this way, all the time? I hate it so so OS much. I wish I could go to the world “this is how i feel about everything.” I want to be honest to people and let them know the truth. I want to say “ I;m not who you think I am.” I feel like i put on a mask every day, and nothing good comes out of it. People see my puppet, and they don’t bother to get to know the puppeteer. I feel like I’m just rambling, my thoygt process going into the software as i the so furiously the words aren’t even words, just blobs of text. Then, I’ll edit and it will make sense. I hope… The problem with wanting to see the world is there’s never time. Or money OR anything. I hate the future because i know I’ll have to work, and my job may not be what I want it to be. I want to be an author, how cliche of a nerd. But, if that doesn’t work out, I’d love to go into publishing. The world these days seems to thnk that this isn’t possible, htugh. When facing my inevitable future of high school in less than 6 months, what chance do I have of living the simple life i live? I know work will be hard. I know i may die every single test I take. But i just wish someone would be here to take my hand and say “let’s run away. they’ll never find us. come with me, and every dream you’ve ever had will come true.” It kinda sounds like a stupid romance story, which I’ve probably thought of before. It sounds like more of a too happy and sappy story though. I feel as if this last year has been me morphng, and its been an adventure within itself But i wish i knew who i was, who i will become, what awaits me. I want to prepare, not sit around waiting for someone to tell me my next move. I want someone to help, but what can they gel me with? Not being stressed? not wanting to leave my mark on the role, which i think about all too often? should i just let go, let the river of life drag me along? all very valid questions, nd i don’t think ill ever have the answer. I’ll just keep jabbing my fingers at the keyboard, hoping for some explanation for what lies on the beaten path.
Alexandra Watkinson is an 8th grader from Connecticut. She will be going into high school next year and is terrified. She is probably squealing about a ship/fandom/musician/celebrity right about now.