Dear Future Me,
Do you remember struggling to get through freshman year of college? Do you remember being caught up in that place where you were expected to figure out what you wanted to do with the rest of your life, who you were, and where you were supposed to go? And how much all of these decisions were suffocating you. Well, future you, I hope that you’re doing everything you said you would, and I know you’re doing everything that you were meant to.
I hope you’ve learned to stress less. I hope I haven’t given you grey hair and premature wrinkles. If I did, I’m sorry, but I really hope that you’re rocking it. I know that I had a bad habit of overthinking. I know that I procrastinated everything and had my share of self-induced mental breakdowns. I’m sorry that I’ve caused you so much stress, but it’s helped you deal with it better as you grew older. I hope that you’ve learned to manage your time and how to prioritize your responsibilities. I hope that you’ve learned how to control your stress and not take it out on others. I know that when you were younger you allowed yourself to get caught up inside of your mind. I hope you’ve learned how to breathe, unclench your teeth, and relax.
I hope you’ve stopped worrying about things you have no control over. You thought that worrying would help you solve your problems. Overthinking your anxieties would help bring your heartbeat down to a steady rate and calm your unsteady hands and sweaty palms. But in actuality, there’s no point in worrying over something you have no control over. I hope that you’ve realized that some things are beyond our control, and sometimes things fall apart and all you can do is watch them.
I hope you’ve learned how to make decisions on your own. I know how indecisive you always were. I hope you are more confident in your decisions because you should be. You’re smarter than you think. I hope that you’ve learned to make them on your own but also don’t feel like you always need to make them on your own. I hope you let others help you sometimes, too.
I hope you’ve learned that not everyone means what they say. You always tried to see the good in people. Even when you realized that the world wasn’t perfect and people didn’t always have the best intentions, you tried to shield yourself; because despite all of the negativity around you, you still wanted to believe that people were really good at heart. I hope that you’ve opened your eyes and know who means what they say and who just says it to keep you around. I hope you don’t allow anyone to take advantage of you. I hope that you’ve learned that you deserve the same effort in all of your relationships that you’ve always put in. I hope you have learned to fight for the right people and let go of all the toxic ones. I hope you still have a good heart.
I hope you’ve learned not to fall for the boys who make you laugh. I know you’re sitting on the couch right now, leaning your right arm on a pillow, and your left hand is resting in the palm of the love of your life. (If not, it’ll happen. Please don’t give up.) You deserve someone who can handle your heart. I hope he asks you how your day was. I hope he deals with you when you’re being annoying, and I hope he listens to you whether it’s for two minutes, 15 minutes, or two hours. I hope it’s forever.
I hope you finally got the chance to travel. I hope you’ve stepped outside of your comfort zone and finally got the chance to see the world. I hope you’ve made it to Italy. I hope you’ve seen Venice. I hope that you’ve partied in New Orleans and swam in all of the prettiest oceans.
I hope you’ve learned to forgive yourself. You’ve made a few mistakes. My god, you’ve made a few. And you probably have continued to make them. I hope you keep making them; never be afraid to make mistakes. I hope you learn from them and you learn to forgive yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself; you’re doing the best you can.
I hope you are happy. I hope you have found pure, genuine, blissful happiness and that you never have to let go of any of it.
I hope you’re alive. Not breathing, but I hope that you know you’re alive. Your heart is beating, and I hope you’re always thankful for that.
I hope you’re still smiling.
Deanna Silano is a sophomore at Manhattanville College. She enjoys reading, writing, and seeking breathtaking views. Supporter of animal rights. Possibly pursuing law. She also hopes to continue growing as a writer.