I may be sardonic, sassy, and make an unnerving amount of eye contact, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a classic romantic at heart. I swoon at the awkward high school crushes in John Hughes movies, but, sometimes, you’ve got to wonder… How do they ever manage to pass school AND have all that time to spend with each other?
This is hardly a question I could answer — lack of experience and all that — so I went to one of my friends who’s been in a committed relationship for over a year and begged her for some advice, which she happily gave me. Together, I think we’ve managed to put together a good list — all the quoted material is from her. This friend will remain anonymous for privacy’s sake, but I hope our sage words will give you some idea of what you’re getting yourself into when you decide to give the bad-boy your pearl earring…
- “When you first start a relationship, it can feel like you’ve added another class to your schedule.” This I don’t find hard to believe. What a lot of people don’t remember about relationships is that they’re a bit like bank accounts: You have to have an even amount of deposit and withdrawal from both ends, or else you’re going to run into debt, and someone’s going to end up hurt. “You spend so much time and energy texting and calling and hanging out,” which isn’t a bad thing, but you cannot forget that school (or, at the very least, doing what you love) should be your top priority. Be ready to make the commitment and still make time for the other person — like she said, prepare yourself to take on “another class.”
- “When you’re staying up super late talking to each other, remember that if you care about someone, you should care about their health and whether they’re getting enough sleep.” This is key, especially if you’re a second-semester junior or a first-semester senior. No matter what, health (both yours and theirs) takes priority over screen time. Besides, if they’re sick, you won’t be able to see them.
- If you’re both swamped with work over the weekend and don’t have the time to take a real break, “Skype while doing homework together! I do this, and it keeps me focused. Instead of procrastinating on Facebook, I do my homework because I [get] to see [my boyfriend’s] face on the screen!” I actually do this with my friends a lot because it is quite fun, and you have the added bonus of a study buddy. This is especially a great tactic for finals week! You get to study and reduce your stress all at once.
- “Don’t sacrifice school for a relationship. There needs to be a balance: no matter how much you love the other person, remember to love and take care of yourself. [And] if you procrastinate and don’t regulate yourself, it can put tension on the relationship if you blame the other person because you didn’t get to study for a quiz and failed it because you were showing each other weird cat videos.” This is a great tie-in from the first point. We all know how distracting “weird cat videos” can be, but don’t forget that it is okay to put your needs first, especially if that isn’t something you do very much. And, by doing your homework together, you get to “motivate each other to work hard,” which is great for both your grades and your health.
- Lastly, “utilize all your time! Call [them] on the bus or when you’re on your way places rather than when you should be doing homework.” This works especially well if you’re on a sports team or have a long bus ride home. Another friend of mine, who was on the basketball team with me two years ago, would call her boyfriend every time we had a long trek out to our opponents. This works really well and ensures that you two stay connected, which is key in a balanced relationship.
Bottom line: It is possible to juggle a working, romantic relationship and school, but just know if your significant other is ready to make the time commitment, too. And, of course, never forget to maintain a balance between your education, your health, and your significant other. If it’s an equal effort from both sides, you can’t go wrong! (After all, finals week is much easier if you don’t have to face it alone…)