Some of the most important relationships we’ll have in our lives are the ones that we’ll have with our friends. These people are the ones that love us by choice, the ones to whom we can tell our deepest secrets or our most terrible jokes. Friends are instrumental in our happiness and well-being. But, sometimes, friends change. In our teenage and college years, we’re discovering ourselves. We’re figuring out what things we do and don’t like, what we’re passionate about, and what kind of people we want in our lives. Our tastes and interests have changed from when we were younger, and sometimes that means that what we’re looking for in a friendship has changed as well.
While all of this change and growth is going on, it’s important to evaluate the people you’re spending your time with. Because we tend to spend a lot of our time with our friends, they can have a big impact on how we feel about ourselves and the world around us. I recommend mentally “checking in” on your friendships every once in a while as a way to make sure that they’re as happy and healthy as possible.
What kinds of things should you check in on? Well, first and foremost, ask yourself how happy you feel in a relationship. Do you feel good when you’re around this person? When you leave them, do you feel energetic and content? Sometimes friendships can unknowingly drain us or leave us feeling worse about ourselves. If you feel tired or down after hanging out with someone, that “friend” might not be the best person for you to be around. A friend is someone who should build you up, someone who supports you and loves you for who you are.
Another thing to ask yourself is, “Do I feel comfortable being open and honest with this person?” Open communication is incredibly important for healthy relationships of any kind. A lot of unhappiness and passive aggressive behavior can result in a relationship if you feel like you can’t be honest with someone when they upset you or if you fear that they’ll judge you. I’m not saying that you need to tell your friends every little secret that you have or every thought that crosses your mind, but you should still feel comfortable enough to do so.
Maintaining a happy friendship isn’t always easy, but it is important — especially if you want a friendship to last. Friends can be our greatest allies in both times of good and bad. Checking in on these relationships once in a while helps keep a friendship going strong. It can be hard to let a friend go, but if they’re bringing you down — or if you don’t have anything in common anymore — it’s okay to no longer spend as much time with them as you used to. At the same time, if you don’t feel like your friendship is making you happy, don’t hesitate to talk to your friend about it first. If they’re truly your friend, they’ll be happy you said something.