All I know is
when You leave me,
and it’s always You who
leaves
or them who pull me away,
I am left a void.
At least when You have me,
I have a tangible sense of being
alive.
All these people
pestering
with questions
poking for my defense,
pinching at the scars
I have not grown.
People constantly parading
their overused armor
their ready to fight pride
their everything I can’t conjure
or even comprehend.
When I am with them,
I am reduced
to:
tears hidden beneath lowered eyes;
cheeks flushed beneath my cold hands;
muscles tensed,
and nothing else.
All I know is
when You leave me,
I hope your absence doesn’t last.
All I know is
when You leave me,
I remember
You’re never gone long.
Because when You hold me
You are holding
Me.
my doubts
and aches
and confusion
judgments
You are holding the me that I know best.
The me that I keep from others and save for myself,
alone.
With You,
I am not alone.
With You,
I am romanticizing and fantasizing;
Hoping,
and never questioning
Your connection to me.
And why can’t that be good?