1. On the days where you feel more victim than survivor, remember that this was not your fault. There is no blueprint for dealing with trauma, so know that whatever you are feeling is valid. With that said, 2. You will be revictimized. You won’t deserve it, you’ll never ask for it, there’ll never be […]
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The first time that you ignored my “no,” I have a distinct memory of my stomach churning and twisting and curling and contourting into a bow. Like the ones you rip off of your presents during Christmas. Except this was not a gift. I should have known by the shape of your pocket-knife fingertips that […]
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A Nelson’s Sparrow is a bird without a flight or fight instinct. A predator could be a breath away and a Nelson’s Sparrow wouldn’t fly away, even when it should. This is important to know. Nelson’s Sparrow flies in front of me. Once upon a time a man held me as a broken bird. […]
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is this how a haunted house feels? the aching, resignation, anger the constant longing for freedom all the wondering if it will ever end, all the wondering what it did to deserve the ghost do they get annoyed with everyone who has heard of the ghoul and come tramping all over them screaming Show me […]
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Whenever I think I’ve moved on, I realize that I am the ghost haunting my own body. I keep finding his name inked, hidden in the corners of my skin, tucked behind my ear, under my tongue, in the crook of my knee. If I hold someone too close, his name rubs off. In photographs, […]
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I. I am a paper doll turned into confetti and ashes. What I’m trying to say is: there are parts of me that have been swept beneath the kitchen stove. II. You have thorns for hands and never learned how to love gently. What I’m trying to say is: I smell of flower petals and […]
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Warning: graphic content. This is a true story about the most traumatic thing that has happened in my life. Even though I have suffered the after effects for years, I believe going through this has completely shaped me as a person, and I do not regret anything. All names have been changed other than my […]
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It was another summer where I was waiting to find him, the sparkling apparition. All wide eyed, shoulders like concrete. They said I was wrong when I found her instead. The ivory woman and her mouth. The ivory woman and my mouth. We kissed until our teeth were chipped and lips bruised lavender whenever we […]
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The door slams, a picture plummets to the floor, tears leak onto my cheeks. This time I’ve done it. He’s gone. He’s gone and he’s not coming back. Why can’t I do anything right? I think for the hundredth time. What can I do to show him that I’ve changed? That I’m better than this? […]
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