I need love. The kind of love that’s gentle and calm. A love that whispers in my ears every morning, with a cup of coffee and a stem cut rose.
I need safety. The kind of love that provides cautions and road signs. A love that takes me down on streets, holding me firmly while crossing. That love, the one that doesn’t require jumping. I need warning.
I just want Sunday night movie marathon or 6pm dinner for two. I want you. But you are Friday night party while I am a 3pm cup of tea. You are 5 bottles of vodka and beer while I am Sylvia Plath and William Shakespeare. You are 18 ft. pool diving while I am country music and long hour driving.
My love, I know your name spells bravery and mine is fear, but I guess this time I’ll surrender my dear. I want you to know that I am not scared. That I was once made up of the same 45 caliber guns and cannons as yours up until I realized that being brave kills.
I am tired of peeling up my own skin for his own pleasure, of cancelled museum dates for his wrestling matches, of 6 hours of waiting and spoiled dinners too, of forgotten anniversaries, of both knee bruises from running, of long claw marks from fucking, of unanswered emergency calls just to know he’s sober and sleeping, of 5 days without texting, of 10 pm fighting and screaming, of 3 days nonstop crying, of offering my heart to strangers whom I gave everything and left me without nothing. I’m tired of dying.
I know that love is all about risking and flying, but maybe for once in my life, I guess I’ll just walk.
Desiree C. Sumocol is a 21-year-old Filipina. She’s currently in Vietnam venturing limitless possibilities to expound her writings; yes, she loves sun, sand, and words and spends most of her free time weaving poems. She has won in an online poetry competition all the way from UK. Her works can be seen through her Facebook account if you’d love to read more from her.