Heart Application: 128459 Page 3/11
Risk Agreement
In accepting your assigned heart, you are subject to the following risks outlined below.
Inability to:
- Concentrate in class when the subject of your affection invades your mind.
- Say the correct thing when the subject of your affection’s eyes are in your vicinity.
- Breathe when the subject of your affection engages in conversations with you.
- Stop dreaming about what your life would be like with the subject of your affection.
Desire to:
- Write sappy love poems at 2:07am when you should be studying for a quiz.
- Wear makeup on the specific days that you will see the subject of your affection, even though it makes your skin break out.
- Blast love songs in the car while you’re stuck in traffic.
- Watch romance movies in the hope that some of their magic will transfer to your life.
Urge to:
- Avoid sugar and carbohydrates on the off chance that the subject of your affection might see you in a bathing suit over the summer.
- Tear your heart out when the subject of your affection does not return your love.
- Watch Hallmark Mystery Movies with a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream for two whole nights after the subject of your affection does not ask you to the dance.
- Swear off the opposite gender and live as a celibate monk after the subject of your affection turns out to be the opposite of what you thought they were.
Fear of:
- Being alone for the remainder of your life.
- Watching your heart explode into a million pieces across the universe after a breakup.
- Duct taping your heart back together, only to accept that it will never truly heal.
- Never being able to listen to Ed Sheeran the same way again.
Avoidance of:
- Giving all your love to the subject of your affection in the hopes of saving yourself.
By checking this box, I certify that I have read and understand the risks. I wish to proceed.
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Alyssa Ahle is a playwright and author from Southern California. She graduated from Chapman University and is currently pursuing a Master’s degree. As a writer, she aspires to draw attention to the overlooked beauty and humor of life. She has an affinity for rainy days, trilby hats, and Audrey Hepburn movies.