Heart Application: 128459                                                                                              Page 3/11

Risk Agreement

In accepting your assigned heart, you are subject to the following risks outlined below.

Inability to:

  • Concentrate in class when the subject of your affection invades your mind.
  • Say the correct thing when the subject of your affection’s eyes are in your vicinity.
  • Breathe when the subject of your affection engages in conversations with you.
  • Stop dreaming about what your life would be like with the subject of your affection.

Desire to:  

  • Write sappy love poems at 2:07am when you should be studying for a quiz.
  • Wear makeup on the specific days that you will see the subject of your affection, even though it makes your skin break out.
  • Blast love songs in the car while you’re stuck in traffic.
  • Watch romance movies in the hope that some of their magic will transfer to your life.

Urge to:

  • Avoid sugar and carbohydrates on the off chance that the subject of your affection might see you in a bathing suit over the summer.
  • Tear your heart out when the subject of your affection does not return your love.
  • Watch Hallmark Mystery Movies with a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream for two whole nights after the subject of your affection does not ask you to the dance.
  • Swear off the opposite gender and live as a celibate monk after the subject of your affection turns out to be the opposite of what you thought they were.

Fear of:

  • Being alone for the remainder of your life.
  • Watching your heart explode into a million pieces across the universe after a breakup.
  • Duct taping your heart back together, only to accept that it will never truly heal.
  • Never being able to listen to Ed Sheeran the same way again.

Avoidance of:

  • Giving all your love to the subject of your affection in the hopes of saving yourself.

By checking this box, I certify that I have read and understand the risks. I wish to proceed.




Alyssa Ahle is a playwright and author from Southern California. She graduated from Chapman University and is currently pursuing a Master’s degree. As a writer, she aspires to draw attention to the overlooked beauty and humor of life. She has an affinity for rainy days, trilby hats, and Audrey Hepburn movies.

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