i could have called you but i wrote this instead

by Fransivan MacKenzie

good gracious // to be twenty-one //

and constantly falling apart // but

mostly on coffee shops // grief stains

everything // my eyes touch // and

i went back // to taking medicine //

i was trying to recover from // so

what was the withdrawal for // and

tell me // what the past three years of

therapy were for // i have done

nothing // since late july // but paint

tear tracks on my cheeks // sure i look

good on this shade of lipstick // but at //

night this isn’t the only shade of maroon

on my skin // i’ll take the biggest exam

of my school year // in a week but // 

good gracious // the worst already

happened // i can have everything //

i ask for // but i’ll always be the one

you left // you know me too well // and

good gracious i wish you didn’t // you

know me too well // i’m not over anything

yet // let me call you is your number still

0945 something // let me call you miss //

please tell me you are still there 

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