The Monsters Inside of Me

woman-1031111_1280

Loneliness. Sadness. Jealousy. Nervousness. Emptiness. These are the monsters that live inside of me. These monsters never used to exist; now they occupy every empty spot of my soul. I want to know why I feel like this. How do I get rid of these monsters? I’m on a raging battlefield, and I’m on the verge of losing with little hope. There are moments of ceasefire, when happiness temporarily makes the monsters go away. I never used to be this way until just recently. My life is becoming cluttered and filled with change. I find change scary; I’m a creature of habit. I just want things to go back to the way they were — when I had no worries and I was just a ball of sunshine. But things can never go to how they once were. Life moves on regardless of people’s personal feelings. Little pieces of my life all contribute to the monsters that live inside of me.

As time moves on, the farther you get from your friends. The bonds that were once so tight are now as breakable as glass. We once found ourselves saying too much, laughing too loud, and now we say so little and laugh so less that it’s awkward. We used to talk about boys, our favorite TV shows, the latest gossip, and embarrassing stories. The least important stuff, but the stuff that matters, the things that make the foundation of friendship. Now all we talk about is college, grades, and money. The important things — things of this matter that suck the life and excitement out of friendship. What was once a colorful friendship is now dull and faded.

As some friendships grow apart, others grow closer, creating a wedge between people who were once inseparable. Those people have inside jokes that you aren’t a part of. They are together 24/7 and never once invite you to tag along. They take funny pictures that you aren’t in. They join together and claim the title “sisters” — when once upon a time that title was for you and her only. As relationships change, evolve, or dissolve, where once that person filled a void, that void is now ripped open, leading to a range of emotions that become monsters.

When you’re in high school, you find that one special someone who leaves a permanent mark. They either make or break you. This person comes into your life so unexpectedly and completely turns your life upside down. This relationship is so new and exciting; the feeling of first love is like no other feeling in the world. You think nonstop about that person. You constantly check up on that person just to see how their day is going. Every little thing they say makes you blush and causes your eyes to light up. When they aren’t looking, you sneak glances at their face; you memorize every expression they make and their meanings. That person becomes your whole world. You dream of them night after night, and then after a while you begin to think of the future you want to have with that person. Until one day when love isn’t enough, when the love you had blows out like a candle. The affection turns to annoyance, and trust becomes distrust. They make promises they can’t keep. The person who once meant everything now means little. The person who you once were so close to, you pass in the hallways like they are invisible. They are simply just another person in the world — someone who will become significant to someone else. You will never forget that person or the memories and experiences you shared. Good or bad, that person made you the person you are today and has made an impact that is either helpful or amiss. The impact more or less leads to disgusting monsters that are always there deep down.

As life goes on, things start changing. Surroundings. Friends. Relationships. Once you were in high school, but now you’re thrown into the realm of college. It’s a whole new ballgame with a new set of challenges to face. While best friends turn to old friends, the new people you meet turn to best friends, and the dreams you have always had turn to reality. The future is a scary and uncertain place, but the future doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. The future is what you make it; you can make anything you want to happen, happen. At every corner there are monsters waiting to pounce, to take advantages of your weaknesses. You must always be prepared for battle. Friends, love, the future: these are just some of the things that have created my monsters. Everyone has monsters of their own that are shaped by their own unique experiences.

The only thing that matters, though, is if we let the monsters win.

 

 

 

Brook WyersBrook Wyers is in her senior year of high school. She loves to volunteer and is stage manager of her high school drama club. Brook is an avid writer and spends most of her time with her nose in a book. She wants to go to college to become a writer.

Leave a Reply