New Relationship, New You?

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When I begin to write up one of my posts, I think of what my readers can relate to and how exactly I can reach them through a humorous yet informative way. If you are a frequent reader of Ask Lara, you know that most of my topics involve me in some weird situation that I found the worst possible way to get out of. If you are NOT a frequent reader, then welcome…

I cover topics like saying “I love you” to someone who barely knew my first name or how my young sassy self would be extremely disappointed in my now clumsy, shy, and awkward present self.

Although I was focused on writing about the single life and how putting myself out there always backfired (which it did), about two months ago I had the unlikely event of meeting a kind and intelligent young man who actually felt the same way I did. I know, crazy, right? We aren’t Facebook official, but he keeps me around. Never fear, though, because in typical Lara form, I have already made rookie mistakes like introducing him to my parents way too early and burning a home-cooked dinner after he was convinced I was a good cook — which, until that point, I was.

Our meeting is a complicated story that involves a cruise, Mexico, and tequila, but who really wants to hear that boring part? The real story is how this is my first real relationship and how all my romantic comedy, high-on-life expectations have taken me on what I like to call The Tunnel of Love a Real Adult Relationship and All Its Sneaky Little Surprises.

When you are viewed as funny and happy, it is common for people around you to always expect you to be “on it.” Although it is nice being funny and having a good time, there are moments where I just want to appreciate the things around me with no forced humor and no real expectations. But not smiling means something is wrong, and not making a joke means you are mad about your surroundings. Basically, being funny is exhausting.

With the added bonus of having a boyfriend, my emotions now are based around how my relationship is going. If I wasn’t the first person to dish out a joke, something bad has to be going on in my relationship. If I‘m on a natural high, it must be something amazing that just happened in my relationship. Suddenly, my emotions no longer belong to me. My boyfriend already has crazy ol’ me to deal with; he really does not need the added pressure of having full control over the emotions of a twenty-three-year-old who can snap from elegant butterfly to angry Viking according to her level of hunger.

Being in a relationship at any age is hard enough, but once someone hits their twenties, serious conversations about one’s relationship are more likely to actually be serious. Try as you might, life will never be as free and non-judgmental as Sex in the City. Why the added pressure of making the outcome of every one of those serious conversations the reason behind your current mood?

What all this leads up to is that no one — not even someone in the happiest of relationships — should allow their relationship to define them as a person. Everyone is his or her own person. Being in a couple does not make you into one big blob of a person. It just makes you two different people who make each other happy, sad, crazy, mad, and lovely.


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